been holding in

I've been trying not to blog much. I dunno why, it's just like verbal diarrhea of my hands. Sometimes I write in my journal and that helps, just not quite the same as this little "electronic diary" I have to make coffee and sit outside, I do that every morning and that usually gives me a nice jumpstart and a way to just cleanse away the day before. There's ususally this pretty yellow bird outside that I see and it's just beautiful.... definitely let's ya appreciate the beauty and the simple things when you see such beautiful things that are still out there in this crazy world.

Anyway, my emotions have been all over the spectrum. Not sure exactly why, they just are. I have a friend with relationship issues, marital issues, family issues... and... I dunno. Their problems some days make my financial troubles seem so miniscule. I'm very lucky for what I have. I really am blessed to have a husband who loves me and treats me so well. I thank god for him every morning and every night. Meeting him was really one of the worst things to happen to me at that particular time, but ended up being the best thing to ever happen in my life. As I look back at our life together, I realize that every year has only gotten better, and I believe every day we're happier together than we were the day before. There's an episode of house where a jewish couple gets married, and the husbands asks taub if he loves his wife and taub comes out with the response "I love her as much as I did the day I met her" Typical hallmark statement... and the husband says "you should love her more than the day you met her" And it's so true. While Bill and I shared our feelings of love extremely early in our relationship, I believe it was the sense of freedom we gave each other, the fun and passion we shared that fueled our initial falling in love. The passion that we had with each other was like nothing either of us shared with anyone else, it was so careless and exciting... but now it still has that, but so much more has been built on that. Trust, dependability, respect, admiration, honesty... It's just very different. We worked long and hard to build this kinda relationship, this kind of unconditional love... But here we are, nearly 9 years later, married for 5... we share 2 beautiful little boys, and each love children that have no DNA attachment to the other... and it's honestly a beautiful unselfish love. And for that, and the past nine years... I have so much gratitude and appreciation. I hope god knows as much as I hope Bill knows how much I'm honestly thankful.

School shopping has neared completion. The only ones I have left to finish are Dom and Caitlyn, and mainly because I want to invest actual money into their clothing this year. I dont want to buy at Target and walmart because they're cheap and easy, because the end result come February are clothes that no longer look neat and clean and crisp, but clothes that show their wear and tear with stains and shrinkage. I've noticed from buying Caitlyn clothes from Limited too, that for the extra money, the stains seem to come out easier, and they just hold up so much nicer. The same with jeans I've bought from JCpenney for Dom, like his levi's as opposed to even his old navy pants. I actually just won a bid for Seven for All Mankind jeans for Caitlyn. As ridiculous as it seems to buy pants that retail for as much as they do, I think she'll love them. I try to rationalize my thoughts often, and the only thing I can really say is... I like spending a lot of money on my kids. I like that the kids can pick out a pair of $40 jeans, and I can figure out a way to get them for them. I think in this crazy world, where my kids have a family that is extraordinarily non traditional and downright confusing, that having items that make them feel good is a way to boost their confidence. That's important, as shallow as it sounds. And I don't much care what people think.

We took Dom and Caitlyn for a haircut yesterday and let them do their own decision making in the process. Dom got his usual, but actually wanted it cut so he could spike up the front, and Caitlyn picked a gorgeous layered cut with long whispy bangs. Bill nor I interrupted their requests, and merely paid for them. Dom looked handsome, and Caitlyn looked absolutely stunning, and it wasn't just the haircut. It was like the little girl who sat down with all that hair got out of the chair as a young lady tween, BEAMING at the results. We walked around the mall and she looked in every window as she passed at her reflection, she stood her head tall, and worked on keeping those feet straight so she wouldn't trip on her wedged espadrilles like she normally does. She was just.... Gorgeous. I have a few products I have to get for both of them for their hair. Another costly thing, but I dont care. If they feel good when they look good... well Great for them. They already have amazing personalities... so now that the exterior will match the interior... I'm happy.

Tonight we're supposed to head to camp, but I have training on this new per diem position I have accepted. Kelly staffing called me and asked if I'd be interested, and it's only a week so naturally I said yes. The money is great and the opportunity really could possibly end up being a great road for me to go down. Between the body still hurting so much, this would give me a chance at expanding my opportunities even more. I'll be working at a local hospital for a healthcare equipment sales company, doing inservices and training on the new equipment. I'll teach nurses and doctors how to use all of this new stuff. This week I'll be tracking them about kangaroo pumps, conveniently my specialty after having cam on one for so long. I'll find out more specifics today. I'll hafta be at the hospital at 10, I'll train till lunch, and restart again for the evening shift around 2.... and even get paid for the break. I'll work monday, wednesday thru saturday. I'm thrilled to pieces about it, aside from the fact that Valerie, the old lady who worked with me at Empire, is who I will be sharing this contracted position with. She drove me crazy and it'll hopefully be different. I couldnt wait to text tom about that. He and I are going out to lunch in a couple weeks when the kiddos go back to school.

Oh how I'm excited about school. Supplies are all pretty much done as well, and even the bookbags are packed and hanging up by the door ready to go. Just have to grab the usual tissues and have to sharpen all the pencils. But It's pretty much no longer a stresser.

Everything really is just chugging along really nicely for us. Bill's on evenings this week and even tho I had to be in 2 places at one time on monday, we managed really well. I'm still debating religion, I should make them do it. But it's so much money. Maybe I'll call today. See what they can do to help. I miss church and can't wait to start going back.

I should go, very much to do and don't want to waste any more time on the interwebs. I have to wake up bill and enjoy the hour or two he'll be around till he heads off to drill.

Take care, and love one another!